For the daughter of a widowed father
Since Mom died, Dad is alone in the house she ran. Take the first hundred days in three pieces.
You are grieving your mother and watching your father in the same week. Here the time ahead comes in three pieces, with his grief and the household kept on separate lines.
Tonight
Four things to do before you drive home
No family meeting needed. One evening tells you more than asking how he is.
- Eat something together.
One plate with him, even toast. You will see how much he eats without asking.
- Open the fridge and the pill box, quietly.
Note what is spoiled, what is missing, and which days still have pills in them.
- Start a note for his doctor.
Dates, not adjectives: skipped meals, a belt notch, sleepless nights. Medicine questions go to the pharmacist.
- Know the number for a frightening night.
If tonight scares you, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. If he is in danger now, call 911.
His grief on the left. The house she ran on the right.
A late electric bill is not a sign of depression, and a clean kitchen is not proof he is fine. Read across each row.
Grief, his and yours
The household she ran
No rules yet, and none coming
The National Institute on Aging says there are no rules about how you should feel and no right or wrong way to mourn. Grieving people often cry easily and can have trouble sleeping, little interest in food, trouble concentrating and a hard time deciding. Expect it in him, and in you.
Meals, pills, and who has the keys
- Put three easy meals where he can see them. For delivered meals, call Aging Ahead at 1-800-243-6060.
- Ask his pharmacist how to keep the Sunday pill routine she ran. Do not change doses yourself.
- One basket for the mail, so nothing important gets recycled.
Find him a room of people who get it
For grief support groups, the NIA suggests asking local hospitals, senior centers, nursing homes, religious groups, funeral homes or his doctor. Hospice workers can be asked for bereavement support even if hospice was not used.
The certificates and the first tax question
- Order death certificates through Missouri DHSS: a local public health agency, or Jefferson City in person, by mail, or by phone or online via VitalChek.
- Ask his tax preparer about Mom's final return; the IRS says a refund due is claimed with Form 1310.
Big decisions can wait; some signs cannot
The NIA advises postponing major decisions, like selling a home, while grieving. It also describes complicated grief: mourning so long or so distressing it becomes unhealthy. If you see that, it belongs with his doctor, and 988 is there for hard nights.
The paperwork, when he is ready
The NIA's list for a surviving spouse: a new will and updated advance care planning, a durable power of attorney, joint property such as the house or car put in his name, and a review of his insurance. A lawyer handles the legal part.
What help in the house looks like
Not a nurse. A standing Tuesday.
Non-medical help is company and the jobs she used to do, on a schedule he can predict. It does not diagnose, dose or treat; that stays with his doctor.
- A weekday lunch blockA hot lunch made and eaten with him.
- An afternoon of companyCards, the ballgame, a short walk.
- Laundry and the kitchenTowels, sheets, a fridge cleared before it turns.
- A ride he would not ask forThe barber, the grocery, the Sunday service.
Respite for you counts too: the NIA says it can last a few hours to several weeks, at home, in a facility or at an adult day center.
Eighteen chapters
Read them in the order the days arrive
Every chapter, grouped by when the question tends to show up.
The first week
Start with what she did.
- The householdHow do I actually help Dad now that Mom is gone?The first week of help is a list of what she did, one standing visit, one other set of eyes, and a clear line between logistics and the doctor.
- The householdMom did everything, and now Dad can't manageShe never wrote it down because she never had to.
- MealsDad isn't eating since Mom diedCereal for dinner is not a crisis. Weight you can see from across the table is a phone call.
- MedicinesDad forgets his pills since Mom died. She used to do it.She did the pills the way she did the birthdays: quietly, on Sunday, without ever calling it a system.
- The householdDad is living alone now. How do I tell if he is okay?Okay is not a feeling you take home in the car. It is a walk through the house.
The first month
The visitors thin out and habits form.
- GriefDad is depressed after Mom died. What can I do?This chapter separates what the NIA calls normal mourning from what it says needs a doctor, and never once tells you which one he has.
- MealsDad never cooked. So what does he eat now?He never cooked, and he is not going to become a cook.
- MealsDad is losing weight since Mom passed. What do I do besides worry?The belt is not a diet. It is a phone call.
- Companion careDad will not take care of himself, and I cannot make himYou cannot make him. Start with one hour and one task he already accepts.
- The householdDad's house is a mess since Mom died. Where do I even start?Start with the path he walks and the light he needs at night.
- GriefDad is drinking more since Mom died. What do I say, and who do I call?Count the bottles, write the dates, and take the note to his doctor.
The first hundred days
A week he can count on, and the winter she used to plan.
- Companion careA companion for an elderly widowed father is not a nurseHe does not need a nurse. He needs a Tuesday.
- Companion careMy father is lonely since Mom died. What actually helps?A quiet house is a daily problem, not a diagnosis.
- PlacesDad stopped going out after Mom died. How do I get him back into a room?He used to go. Then he stopped. This chapter splits the ride from the will.
- PlacesA senior center near Chesterfield for my dadHe does not need a program. He needs one room in west county with coffee, other men, and a reason to put on a clean shirt on a Tuesday.
- DrivingDad is still driving after Mom died and I'm worriedThink about it in the right order: rides first, the talk second, the state last.
- WinterThe first winter alone for an elderly dadShe bought the salt in October and had the furnace man out before Thanksgiving.
- GriefHow long does grief last for a man his age, and when is it time to call?Daughters want a finish line. The NIA does not give one.
Recommended local provider
If the weekday lunches are the hard part, ask about a few hours.
Tell New Plan Care Solutions what his week looks like now and which hours you cannot cover.
New Plan Care Solutions is owned and run in St. Louis by Stacie Postol. Non-medical help: companionship, meals, laundry, errands, daily routines and respite, built with you, starting with a few hours, in St. Louis and St. Charles counties.
It is the only provider featured here, and the guides on this site are educational, not medical advice.
Local help, checked September 12, 2026
Who to call in the St. Louis area
Each number was printed on the organization's own page. The full directory carries the sources.
Aging Ahead
Agency on aging for St. Louis, St. Charles, Franklin and Jefferson counties. Ask about Meals on Wheels.
St. Louis Area Agency on Aging
For an address inside the City of St. Louis. Weekdays, 8am to 5pm.
Missouri Senior Resource Line
Enter his ZIP and you are transferred to his local agency on aging.
Metro Call-A-Ride
Metro's van service. Books trips and checks ADA eligibility, every day including holidays, 7:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
Adult Abuse and Neglect Hotline
If you believe he is being neglected or exploited. Daily, 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.
Aging Ahead senior centers near west county
Each center offers meals and activities, per Aging Ahead. Call ahead.
- West County: 636-227-3882
- South County: 314-631-8698
- Crown Center: 314-991-2055
- Covenant Place: 314-442-3149
- Tri County: 636-257-6264
- Washington: 636-239-3374
Asked at the kitchen table
Five questions daughters ask in the first hundred days
Is it normal that Dad barely eats and cannot sleep since Mom died?
The National Institute on Aging lists trouble sleeping and little interest in food among things grieving people often have. That does not make weight loss something to wait out. Write down what you see and take the note to his doctor.
How long before I should worry that it is more than grief?
The NIA sets no calendar. It describes complicated grief as mourning so long or so distressing that it becomes unhealthy. If he cannot carry on with daily life, tell his doctor. If tonight frightens you, call or text 988.
Dad is talking about selling the house. Should he do it this year?
It is his decision. The NIA advises grieving people to postpone major decisions if possible, including selling a home, while perhaps not thinking clearly. Help in the house can buy time to decide calmly.
Where do I get copies of Mom's death certificate in Missouri?
Missouri DHSS takes requests through the nearest local public health agency, or at its Jefferson City office in person, by mail, or by phone or online through VitalChek. A funeral director can also request copies for the family.
Would a companion a few hours a week insult him?
It lands better as lunch and company than as care. Start with one weekday block, name it for something she used to do, and let him meet the person over a meal.