6Chapter six
The first winter alone for an elderly dad: a west county checklist for a widower's house
She bought the salt in October and had the furnace man out before Thanksgiving. Nobody is doing that this year unless somebody puts it on a list. This is the list.
The first winter alone for an elderly dad arrives on a Tuesday in November when the furnace kicks on and nobody has changed the filter. Your mother ran the winter the way she ran everything: the salt bought in October, the furnace man before Thanksgiving, the extra blanket the first cold night, the neighbour boy lined up for the driveway. He never saw any of it happen. This is the checklist she never wrote, in the order the cold shows up.
One source runs through all of it. The National Institute on Aging's page on cold weather safety for older adults says that changes that come with aging can make it harder for older adults to be aware of their body becoming too cold, that some medications, including some over-the-counter cold medicines, can affect body heat, and that about 20 percent of injuries related to exposure to cold occur in the home.
The thermostat
The NIA says to set the heat to at least 68 degrees, and that even mildly cool homes at 60 to 65 degrees can lead to hypothermia in older adults. A widower raised to turn the heat down to save money will turn it down. Set it, tape a note to it, and check it every visit. If the bill is the reason, the NIA names the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program and says the local Area Agency on Aging or senior center may know of assistance programs. In Missouri, the Senior Resource Line at 1-800-235-5503 connects a caller to the local agency by ZIP code.
The furnace
Filter, and a service call before the first freeze if that is what she did. Ask him when the furnace man last came. He will not know. Find the sticker on the unit; there is always a sticker. The NIA adds a warning families forget: a portable space heater can be a fire hazard or increase the risk of carbon monoxide poisoning. If there is one in his bedroom, that is a conversation, not a confiscation.
The front step
This is where winters end for a lot of older men. The NIA says to keep walkways clear of snow and ice with an ice melt product or sand, to use railings on icy stairs, to wear nonskid, rubber-soled, low-heeled footwear, and, if possible, to stay inside when the weather is bad. Its falls page notes that more than one in four people 65 and older fall each year. Buy the salt in October. Put a bucket and a scoop inside the front door, and check that the railing is actually attached to the house.
The driveway
He will want to shovel. The NIA says to avoid shoveling snow yourself when possible, because in addition to the risk of falling there is a risk of heart attack for older adults while shoveling snow. This is the line where a daughter needs a name, not a rule. Whose driveway job is it? A neighbour's kid, a service, a son-in-law with a plow blade, a helper who comes on snow days. Decide in October. A driveway with nobody's name on it gets shovelled by an eighty-three-year-old at six in the morning.
The car
The battery that was fine in August is not fine in January. The NIA suggests keeping warm blankets and extra clothing in the car, and its safe driving page puts it plainly: when in doubt, do not go out, because rain, ice and snow can make it hard for anyone to drive. The driving chapter is the longer conversation. For the winter, a jump pack in the trunk and a rule about ice.
The pantry and the deliveries
Cold and not eating make each other worse. The NIA says to eat enough food to maintain your weight because some body fat is necessary for staying warm, and it suggests using services that deliver prescriptions, groceries and other necessities so you do not need to go out. Stock him for a snowed-in week. Set up the pharmacy's delivery if it offers one. The meals chapter covers the fridge, and Aging Ahead's Meals on Wheels brings a meal and a volunteer's safety check to the door of a homebound person 60 or older who qualifies.
The bottle
A winter evening alone with the game on is where a second drink becomes a third. The NIA's cold weather page says to avoid or limit alcohol because alcoholic drinks can make you lose body heat. That is a physical fact, not a lecture, and it goes on the list of things his doctor hears about.
The phone
The NIA's instruction is four words long: ask someone to check on you during cold weather. It also says that if a power outage leaves you without heat, try to stay with a relative or friend. Make the cold-weather call a rule: on any day the forecast is below freezing, someone calls him by ten in the morning, and if he does not answer, someone drives over. Write whose day it is on the card on the fridge.
The night
Bed is where he is coldest and most alone. The NIA says to use extra covers, to consider long underwear and a head covering for sleeping, and to wear socks and slippers indoors. Its room-by-room page on preventing falls at home says to leave a light on in the bathroom at night or use a night light that turns on automatically, and to put night lights and switches close to the bed. Do that in November.
Who checks each thing
Put a name next to every station above. His goes next to the thermostat note and the salt bucket. Yours goes next to the furnace sticker. A neighbour's goes next to the driveway. If there is a helper in the house two afternoons a week, hers goes next to the pantry and a look at the thermostat on the way out. A winter with names on it is a winter you can sleep through.
What to do tonight
- Read the thermostat. If it is under 68, set it, and tape a note to it in his handwriting, not yours.
- Find the sticker on the furnace and write down the date. Book the service if it has been more than a year.
- Buy salt, a scoop, and a bucket. Put them inside the front door tonight even if it is September.
- Write the driveway's name on the fridge card. If there is no name yet, that is tomorrow's phone call.
When to ask the care team or the doctor
The NIA says to ask the doctor whether any of his medicines may affect body heat. Take the medicine list from the pills chapter to that appointment and ask directly.
Cold hands and feet, a puffy face, pale skin, shivering, slowed or slurred speech, or feeling sleepy, angry or confused are on the NIA's list of early signs of hypothermia. The NIA calls hypothermia a medical emergency and says to call 911 right away, then try to move the person somewhere warmer, offer a warm drink, and wrap them in dry blankets. If those signs show up on a cold day, that is the NIA's instruction to call 911, not this site's diagnosis.
Questions daughters ask
What temperature should Dad keep the house?
The NIA says at least 68 degrees, and it warns that homes at 60 to 65 degrees can lead to hypothermia in older adults. If the bill is why he turns it down, energy assistance exists and the Area Agency on Aging can point to it. Set the thermostat and solve the bill separately.
Is it safe for Dad to shovel the driveway?
The NIA says to avoid shoveling snow yourself when possible, naming both the fall risk and the risk of heart attack for older adults while shoveling. Whether your father in particular should is his doctor's question. Whether he will, if nobody else's name is on the driveway, is not a question at all. Put a name on it.
Who checks on him on the coldest days?
Whoever's name is on the card. Meals on Wheels volunteers do a safety check at each delivery for those who qualify. A neighbour, a sibling, a helper who is in the house anyway, and your own ten o'clock call fill the rest. The NIA's instruction is to ask someone to check on you in cold weather; the family's job is to decide who.
The card on the fridgeWhat a good week looks like for Dad
- The furnace ran, the step was salted, and the thermostat stayed at 68.
This chapter adds that line. The whole card, one line per chapter, is on the front page.