Mom handled the bills for years, perhaps quietly, perhaps with a calculator at the kitchen table. Now the envelopes arrive and sit on the counter, and nobody is sure which ones are paid. You do not have to solve the whole money picture tonight. You only have to notice the signs early, while the situation is still easy to sort out.
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Look for the signs
Unopened envelopes on the counter, in a drawer, or in the mail pile. A utility notice on the table. The same bill arriving twice. A card that was declined at the store. A phone call from a company you do not recognize. Autopay that seems to have stopped. Any one of these may have an ordinary explanation. Two or three together mean it is time to look at the accounts.
Sit down with the statements
Do this at the kitchen table with him, not as a surprise inspection. Ask him to show you the latest statements for the utilities, the phone, the house, and any credit card. Ask which bills come from which company and how each one gets paid. Write down the due date and how it is paid for each. You are learning how the house works, not judging him.
Check the accounts with his permission
Ask the bank what they need in order to talk with you about his account, and whether a family member can be added or given access. Ask him whether he would like your help looking at the account online. If he says no, respect that, and write down what he is willing to share. Do not take over the accounts without a clear conversation about it first.
Watch for scams
If a caller asks for a card number, a password, or a payment over the phone, hang up and call the company using the number printed on the bill or on the back of the card. If you see a charge he does not recognize, write it down and call the bank. Do not let anyone rush you on the phone.
What to do tonight
Gather every envelope in one place, open them together, and make a list of what is due and when. Do not pay anything you cannot yet verify. Call one company, ask one question, and stop there for the night.
For the wider picture of the first months after Mom died, the First Hundred Days After Mom Died has pages you can work through at your own pace.
When to ask the doctor
If bills stop being paid because he forgets them, cannot follow the statements, or seems confused about money he used to manage easily, tell his doctor exactly what you have seen, with examples. Bring the envelopes if that helps. The doctor can help decide what kind of support would make sense.
Good-week card
Every envelope has been opened, and every bill has a name and a due date written beside it.