You do not need to see him to know how the week has gone. Look at the laundry. Mom probably had a rhythm for it, a load on Monday, sheets on Thursday, new towels when the old ones wore thin. When that rhythm breaks, the hamper usually tells you first.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

What to look for on the first visit

Lift the hamper lid and look at the bottom, not the top. Clothes from last week sitting under newer ones mean the hamper has not been emptied in a while. Check the towel bar and the back of the bathroom door. Towels that are stiff, or that smell faintly sour when you bring one close, have been used and hung up damp more than once.

Check the bed. Look at the pillowcases and the top sheet. If the same sheets have been on since your last visit, or they feel stale, ask about them plainly.

Open the washing machine and look at the rubber seal around the door, the inside of the drum, and the detergent drawer. A dark film or a musty smell means the machine is not being run through a clean cycle. An empty detergent bottle sitting beside the machine is a clue, not an accusation.

Count the clothes on the chair and on the floor of his bedroom. Two shirts on the chair from the same day is ordinary. The same shirt for four days in a row is worth noticing.

What it usually means

Laundry slipping is rarely only about laundry. It can mean he has stopped going out and no longer sees the point of changing, that he is worn out, that the machine has become confusing, or that he is waiting for someone to ask for help. Mom did the washing, so the job may have quietly stopped being his without anyone saying so. Those are different problems, and only a conversation will tell you which one you have.

What to do tonight

Do not make a speech about the hamper. Take one load down to the machine with him. Ask him to show you how Mom set it, and let him be the one who knows. Start the cycle, sit at the table, and talk about something else while it runs. Leave the detergent where he can reach it and check whether the bottle needs replacing.

Before you leave, write down which day the washing usually happens and whether it happened this week. Keep the note short. You are looking for a pattern, not a verdict.

When to ask the doctor

Bring it up with his doctor if the clothes are soiled, if he is not changing when he clearly should, if he seems confused about how the machine works, or if the washing has stopped alongside other changes in eating, sleeping or getting dressed. Describe what you saw in plain terms: the hamper, the towels, the same shirt. The doctor can decide what matters from the details you bring.

Making the washing easier to keep

If he wants to keep doing the laundry but needs a hand, the simplest split is for you to take the sheets and the heavy towels once a week and leave the everyday clothes to him. That gives him a job with a clear edge and gives you a natural reason to visit without a sit-down talk about how he is doing.