The car is still in the driveway, but the keys have not left the hook by the door in a while. Nobody has said he stopped driving. You may have noticed that the car sits, that he asks you to run the errand, or that the trips he used to make are now made by someone else. This piece is about checking what is true before you decide what to do about it.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
What to check
Look at the odometer on one visit, then again on the next. Look at the fuel level, the dust on the windshield, and whether the car has moved in the last few days. Ask him to describe his last three trips in his own words. Notice whether he has stopped night driving, highways, or the parking lot at the store, and whether he has quietly dropped places he used to drive to without any fuss.
What to watch for
Pay attention to small things: checking the mirrors out loud, asking which way to turn, needing a light change pointed out. A near miss he mentions as a joke is also worth noting. Write down what you see with the specifics, not general impressions, so the picture stays accurate when you talk about it.
What to do tonight
Do not take the keys. Ask him to drive you to one errand, somewhere close and in daylight, and sit in the passenger seat without comment. Afterward, say what went well before you say what did not. If he refuses, let it go for now and come back another day. Start a short list of trips that will need a second driver so you can plan around them.
When to ask the doctor
Tell his doctor what you have seen, in plain words: the trips he has stopped, the moments that worried you, anything that happened on the road. Ask whether a change in his driving is advisable and what the doctor would do to find out. The doctor is the right person for questions about fitness to drive. Bring the list you have been keeping.