Dad will not want to go. He will say the church basement is for other people, or that he is not the type to sit in a circle and talk about feelings. You may be tempted to sign him up anyway. Check the room first. A bad group can make him dig in harder, and a good one can give him a few men who understand the empty chair at dinner.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
Who runs it
Find out who leads the group and what training they have. Some groups are run by a hospice program, a parish, a community center, or a counseling practice. Others are peer groups where a volunteer sets out the chairs and keeps the coffee going. Both can work. Ask the leader what they have been trained to do, and what they will do if someone in the room says something alarming. A good leader will answer plainly and will not promise too much.
What the format asks of him
Ask whether the group is open, meaning he can come when he wants, or closed, meaning it runs for a set number of weeks and then starts over. Ask whether he has to talk, or whether listening is fine for the first few meetings. Ask whether there is a group for widowed men or whether it is a mix of every kind of loss. A mixed room can feel too broad for a man who lost his wife, so ask how the group is split.
The cost and the way out
Ask whether the group is free, whether there is a fee per session, and whether a session can be skipped without a penalty. Ask whether he can attend one meeting without signing anything. Ask how a person stops going. A group that makes leaving difficult is not one to trust with his evenings.
Compare two options the same way
Put two or three options side by side on paper: the leader's training, the format, the schedule, the drive, the cost, and whether the first visit is free. A group that is a short drive is easier to keep than one across the county. Look for something he can get to on his own, since that is what makes it stick.
What to do tonight
Write down the names of two or three groups and call each one with the questions above. Then tell him what you found, not what you decided. Ask whether he would want to go to one meeting with you in the car outside, with you in the room, or not at all. Let him pick.
When to call the doctor right away
If Dad talks about not wanting to be alive, or about not seeing the point in anything, don't wait for the next group meeting. Call his doctor that day. If he may be in immediate danger, or you cannot reach anyone, call 911. You can also call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, at any hour. If the group does not feel right, or he seems stuck, ask his doctor for a referral to a grief counselor.
For St. Louis options to start with, see the local help page.
A good-week note
A good week is one where he has gone to one meeting, or at least agreed to look at a list, and you stayed out of the way while he decided.