Someone at church or at the pharmacy counter has probably mentioned a grief group to you, and you have probably wondered what your father would say if you brought it up at supper. He may say no before you finish the sentence. That is fine. The useful thing you can do is find out what a group actually is, so that if he agrees to one, he is walking into something he understands, and if he says no, you know what you were turning down.
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Who leads it
Ask who runs the group and what they have done to prepare for it. Some are led by a trained counselor or social worker. Some are run by a trained volunteer or a member of a faith community. Both can be good. What matters is that someone is in charge of keeping the room safe, starting and ending on time, and making sure the quiet man in the corner is not pushed to speak. Ask whether the leader has run this group before and whether there is a phone number where you can reach them with a question.
What the group asks of him
Find out the format before you go. Is it a single evening, a set number of weeks, or open-ended? Do people come and go, or does the same group sit together every time? Does everyone talk in turn, or is it free? Some men do well in a room where they can listen for the first few weeks. Others want to leave after one meeting and never come back. Knowing the shape ahead of time lets him decide whether he can handle it.
Also ask who is in the room. Some groups are for widowed people of any age and either sex. Others are for men only, or for people who lost a spouse after a long marriage, or for adults who lost a spouse at any point in life. The closer the group is to his life, the less he will feel he is sitting in the wrong chair.
What it costs him to get there
Ask what the group costs and what that cost covers. Some are free. Some charge a fee that goes to the building, the materials, or the leader. Ask whether the fee can be waived or reduced, and do not feel strange asking. You are not hunting for a bargain. You are making sure money does not become the reason he quits in week three. Also ask about the drive, the parking, the stairs, and whether the room is on the ground floor. These small things decide more than the group's name does.
Before the first visit
Compare at least two groups. Call each one and ask the same five questions: who leads it, how many people sit in the room, how long it runs, whether he can come once and leave without any follow-up, and what happens if he misses a week. The answers will tell you more than any brochure. If one leader answers warmly and fully and the other hesitates, that is worth noticing.
Offer to drive him, and then let him decide whether to go in. Many men will agree to a first visit if their daughter sits in the parking lot. Tell him that, and mean it. He decides whether the group is for him, and the first visit is only a visit.
What to check tonight
Write down the names and phone numbers of the groups you found. Write the five questions on the back of an envelope. If you have already talked to him about it, do not raise it again tonight. Leave the envelope on the counter where he will see it in the morning, without comment.
When to ask the doctor
A group is not a substitute for a doctor. If he stops eating for several days, stops sleeping, talks about not wanting to be alive, or seems to have lost interest in everything he used to do, call his doctor the same day. If you cannot reach the doctor and you are worried about his safety, call the emergency number for your area. Do not wait for a group meeting to deal with those signs. A group can help with the grief, but it cannot be the only help he has.