Nobody says this part out loud at two in the morning. It sounds more like this: is he going to be all right in my house, or am I about to make his life smaller? You will not know the answer from the kitchen table. You can find much of it out by checking a few specific things before he moves in, and by asking him the questions he might not think to answer on his own.
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Walk the stairs with him
If your house has stairs, go up and down them yourself first, then ask him to do it while you stay close, a step below and to the side. Watch how he uses the rail. Notice whether he uses both hands, whether he pauses at the landing, and whether he reaches for the wall. Check that there is a rail on both sides if you can, that the light switch is at the top and at the bottom, and that nothing sits on the steps. Pay attention to how he talks about the stairs too. If he says he will manage fine but then takes them one at a time with his eyes on his feet, that is information, not a failure on his part.
Walk the night route
Most of the hard moments in a new house happen at night, when he gets up and has to find the bathroom in the dark. Walk the path from his bed to the bathroom with the lights off, the way he will walk it at three in the morning. Look for rugs that curl at the edge, cords across the floor, a door that sticks or swings into the path, and a light that is hard to reach from the bed. A low night light along that route often solves more than a new fixture would.
Check the bathroom he will actually use
Do not assume he showers the way he did at his own house, or that he showers at all right now. Ask him, plainly, how he gets in and out of the tub or shower these days and what he holds on to. Look at whether there is something solid to hold near the toilet and tub, whether the floor gets slippery, and whether the room is warm enough to stand in for a while. If the bathroom needs changes, decide the order before anyone buys anything. Start with the one thing that would make the nightly trip easier.
Decide his room and his door
He needs a room that feels like his own, with a door he can close, a chair that is his, and a place for his shoes, his coat, and the photographs he will want within reach. Decide together what from the house comes with him and what stays put. Some of her things may come with him because he wants them close. Some may be better left in the house until he is ready. You do not have to settle all of it in one weekend. Make the room his first, and leave the rest of the house as a question you can come back to.
Ask about his daily rhythm
Ask him when he likes to eat, when he wakes, what he does first in the morning, and when he wants to be left alone. Ask about the hours he is usually out of the house and whether he would rather be near the kitchen or farther from it. Then look at your own week. Who will be home in the afternoons? Who will be in the house when he is most likely to skip a meal? A household that matches his rhythm is easier on both of you than one you try to fit him into.
Ask the questions you cannot answer alone
Some decisions belong to him, some to you, and some to his doctor. Ask his doctor whether the stairs, the night walk, and the bathroom are safe for him as things stand, and what would make them safer. Bring his current medicine list to that visit so the doctor sees the whole picture. Keep the list in your bag. Medicines stay with the family, the doctor, and the pharmacist, and the list is what they need to see together.
What to do tonight
Walk the stairs with him once, with you a step below. Put a night light along the route from his room to the bathroom. Ask him one question about his morning and listen to the whole answer. Write down three things he says he likes about his own house, and make sure at least one of them shows up in the room he will sleep in.
When to ask the doctor
Call his doctor soon if he has stopped using the stairs altogether, if he has had a fall or a near fall, if he feels dizzy or unsteady when he stands, if he is holding on to every wall and piece of furniture as he moves, or if he is eating very little for several days. Describe what you saw in plain words, with the time of day and what he was doing, and ask what help makes sense for the stairs and the night walk.
A good-week card
Add one line to the card this week, in your own handwriting if you like. Something like: this week he walked the stairs with his hand on the rail and came down for supper, and he told me which chair is his.