Dad may say he is ready to stop driving. Or he may say the opposite with enough force to make the teaspoons tremble.
Either way, do not begin with the car. Begin with the trips.
The car is not merely sitting in the driveway. It is how he gets a haircut without asking permission, buys the particular crackers he likes, visits the cemetery, picks up medicine, and leaves the house because he feels like leaving the house. Giving it up can change all of that.
You are not trying to prove that he should drive or that he should stop. You are finding out whether the replacement plan is real before either of you commits to it.
Write down the trips he actually makes
Sit with Dad at the kitchen table and name the places he has gone lately. Do not settle for appointments and groceries. Ask about the bank, barber, hardware store, church, lunch counter, cemetery, pharmacy, library, friends, and the place where he buys one thing nobody else thinks is worth a separate trip.
Then ask which trips he has quietly stopped making. That answer may tell you more than the mileage on the car.
Make a short list with five kinds of trips: a planned appointment, groceries, medicine, a social visit, and an unplanned errand. Beside each one, write who or what could replace Dad driving himself.
Be honest about your own availability. “Call me anytime” sounds loving in the kitchen. It feels different when Dad needs to leave while you are working, collecting a child, or sitting in your own appointment.
Test the ride before making it the plan
If a relative will drive, try one ordinary round trip. Notice whether Dad can choose the time, whether the driver waits, and whether he feels rushed. Ask what happens when the regular driver is sick or away.
If you are considering a ride service, arrange one trip together before the car goes anywhere. Check how the ride is requested, how much notice is needed, where the driver meets him, and how Dad recognizes the correct vehicle. Make sure he can hear the phone, read the message, or use whatever method starts the ride.
If a community program might help, ask exactly where it travels, which days it operates, whether trips must be reserved, whether someone can accompany Dad, and what happens if an appointment runs late. “Transportation available” is not yet a transportation plan.
For walking or public transportation, travel the full route with him. Check the driveway, crossings, waiting place, lighting, weather shelter, steps, and distance from the final stop to the actual door. A route that looks short on a map can contain one terrible intersection and a bench that exists only in somebody's imagination.
Include the trip home
Many plans work beautifully until Dad needs to come back.
For each test trip, ask how he gets home if the appointment ends early, runs long, or changes location. Find out whom he calls if the driver does not arrive. Put that number somewhere he can find without searching through old envelopes.
Also check what he must carry. A bag of groceries, a cane, a coat, or a pharmacy package can turn an easy ride into an awkward one. If he needs help getting things from the vehicle into the house, decide who provides that help. Do not leave it hidden inside the cheerful phrase “He has a ride.”
Decide what happens to the car later
You do not have to settle every question in one conversation. Dad may want to test a stretch without driving before deciding whether to keep, sell, or pass along the car.
If the car stays, agree on who may drive it, where the keys will be kept, and who will keep track of routine attention it still needs. A parked car does not become a garden ornament just because nobody is driving it.
If Dad is not ready to discuss giving it up, you can still build backup rides. That is useful even if he continues driving. A good backup plan gives him more choices. It does not need to arrive disguised as a verdict.
What to do tonight
Ask Dad to name one trip he would hate to lose. Choose a normal one, not the easiest one, and plan a practice run using the likely replacement.
Write down the pickup method, return plan, backup person, and phone number. Let Dad make as much of the arrangement as he wants. Your job is to see where the plan catches, not to demonstrate that you can operate his life more efficiently.
Afterward, ask four plain questions: Did you get to choose when you left? Did you know how you were getting home? Could you manage the steps and messages? Would you willingly do it this way again?
If the answer to the last question is no, believe him and find out why. Stubbornness sometimes wears a sensible hat.
When to ask the doctor
Ask Dad's doctor about driving if you or Dad have noticed new trouble seeing signs, staying oriented, moving between pedals, turning to check traffic, remaining alert, or recovering after a near miss. Bring specific examples rather than saying only that you are worried.
You can ask what changes might affect driving, whether any medicines could interfere with alertness or reaction, and whether a driving evaluation would help answer the question more fairly.
If Dad raises the concern himself, make room for that conversation promptly. It may have taken him a long time to say it aloud.
Add this line to the good-week card
Dad had a reliable way to make one ordinary trip without driving himself.